You have a mind filled with CASTLE, with BECKETT, with RYAN and ESPO, with MARTHA and ALEXIS, with ROY and ROYCE, with NEW YORK and LA, with BADGES and GUNS, with LAUGHTER and TEARS, with BROTHERS and SISTERS, LOVERS and FRIENDS, with JOHANNA and JIM, KATIE and RICKY, KEVIN and JENNY, JAVI and LANIE … with APPLES and CHERRIES, with COFFEE and TAKE OUT, with MURDERBOARDS and YELLOW TAPE, with CROWN VICS and MANHATTAN, with vests that say POLICE and WRITER, with wild THEORIES, CIA and FBI, with STANA and NATHAN, JON and SEAMUS, with TAMALA and MOLLY, SUSAN, RUBAN and PENNY … with HAMPTONS and AVENUES, the BROADWAY and the HUDSON, with NICKI and ROOK, with ONE-AND-DONE and ONE-WRITER-GIRL, with 41319 and 12.5927, with HEROES and VILLAINS, SLICES OF DEATH and LIVES TO LOSE, with SUCCER PUNCHES, KNOCKDOWNS and KNOCKOUTS, with DEADLY GAMES and DEADLY AFFAIRS, with ROSES FOR EVERAFTER and FOOD TO DIE FOR, with CUFFS and TIGERS, NOVELS and GUITARS, with KBEX, PAPA-BEX and LEX, with RICK and KATE, with STOP AND STARE, with NO ENVY, NO FEAR and INTO THE BLUE … with ANGRY BIRDS and FEED THE BIRDS, with YO, BECKETT! and SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! … with BROs and BOYOs, with HOLDING PATTERNS, BOOTY CALLS and people who CAN’T GIVE YOU ANYTHING BUT LOVE … with a RISE, a THANK YOU, a TOMORROW and an ALWAYS …
Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime.
Fandom is people you don’t tell your mother you’re meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby.
Fandom is you in Germany and me in the US and him in Australia and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofabed in New York, a roadtrip to Oxnard, a friend behind a face in London. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact.
Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky’s law and Godwin’s law and Murphy’s law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you’ve ever had them.
Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay, prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn’t care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you’re really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom.
Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn’t create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn’t create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting.
Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer.
Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak.
Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.
Fandom is where you found yourself.
“
| — | THIS! (via secretlifeofachocoholic) |
ANY CASTLE FAN needs to watch this. It made me literally flail and nonhuman noises were coming out of my mouth.
OMG love this.
Be a child again. Flirt. Giggle. Dip your cookies in your milk. Take a nap. Say you’re sorry if you hurt someone. Chase a butterfly. Be a child again.
“
| — | Max Lucado (via modernhepburn) |
This kills me. Regina said, “being queen means nothing,” and never more so than in that moment did I realize how devoid her life truly is of the happy ending she wanted for herself. Being mayor over Storybrooke means NOTHING to her, because all she really wants is to be loved. In The Thing You Love Most, Regina said to her father (referring to Snow White and her kingdom), “they already think I’m NOTHING.” THIS is the ultimate source of Regina’s pain. To be viewed as NOTHING is to deemed undeserving of love, and to be something worthy of love to someone is all she has ever wanted. “Why can’t I just be myself?” she asked her mother. And whether it was stated in these words or not, the answer was “Because you aren’t good enough. You are nothing.” And once Regina was in our world, it’s obvious that being mayor was not enough to fill her heart and give her the happy ending she wanted, that’s why she needed Henry. She wanted to be loved, and even that has been denied to her from her own son. Somewhere buried deep inside of her is that young girl who dared to dream, hope, and love - that is the essence of who she is. These things are never really lost, just covered up with layers of pain and hurt and empty space where the fulfillment of revenge will never materialize.
